Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving 2014 was the worst yet. First one without Dad. First one without R. So much drama from Mom that I barely had a chance to even think about Dad & R...until I saw R's room, which was a trash depository. I thought that's where he was found, but it turns out he was in the bed in Mom's room that she's never used. It's been a month and a half and we still don't have a death certificate. I find that odd. Apparently autopsies can take up to 8 months too. I can't believe my beloved brother has been dead for a month and a half and my beloved father has been gone four months. They're gone and they're never coming back. According to the Grateful Dead, there's nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile...but I can't. I try hard to act like I'm all good, but inside I'm rotting away. Especially after the debacle of this past weekend. The remainder of my family went to Mom's specifically to help her clean the squalor in her house so she can get rid of it and move into a condo or retirement community. She was a giant pain in the ass about what we could throw away, what to keep, what to donate, and she wanted to have an estate sale to try and make money off of stuff from the 1970s. There was still a set of 1973 encyclopedias we found in the garage. Come on! She had bills or receipts from 1983. I told her she needed to get a shredder for all that stuff and she said, "I'll just do it at Mxxxx's house." I told her she couldn't just take boxes full of papers and ruin someone's shredder because she didn't feel like buying one. She just doesn't get it. I don't get how she doesn't get it, but I worry all the time about becoming like her...Ugh. I thought I was in a writing mood, but all this stuff just makes me sad and I don't need the tears to start. Hasta luego.